Dating in Korea...My experience

Well, let’s start off by saying that I wasn’t really much of a dater when I was living in SA. I mean I had a boyfriend here and there and maybe a fling nyana just to keep life exciting but I wasn’t really that person who was known to be in a relationship. 

When I thought of moving to Korea one of my many thoughts running through my mind was “Maybe I might meet someone.” And I was not the only one who had that hope as many of my friends and family were excited at the prospect of me bringing home a Korean mkhwenyana. I have also never really dated anyone outside of my race so I was a little nervous about broadening my horizon. 

Questions, questions. Lots of questions!

I was quite nervous, I mean I didn’t know what to expect. Do Foreign/Korean guys see me in that way? Will the Korean guy fully understand me? Will we be able to have a conversation that goes deeper than just the pleasantries? Do guys here shayela (approach) girls as they do back home? What are the rules for going on dates? These were some of the thoughts that were in my mind while thinking about jumping into the dating scene of Korea and to be honest I was nervous but hey, you will never know unless you try, right?

No shayeling? Like, come on!

Turns out that Korean men don't shayela ladies and you will rarely find a man stop you to ask for your number. Even amongst themselves, they don't. They meet each other through group dates organised by their friends. That's how they get together.

Tinder... no big deal!

Anyway, I wasn't really meeting anyone in normal social settings and this really bothered me, so I did what any young millennial with a smartphone would do. I downloaded Tinder.  I had downloaded Tinder while living in Cape Town and after being on it for three days and meeting someone, I decided to delete it. So this time I thought, "Let's give it a shot!" I am in another land and what better way to meet new people than on Tinder. In SA, Tinder has a reputation for being a place to find hookups but I mean come on, we are in Korea helluuur! Things here must be different, right? And boy oh boy was I in for a surprise. After downloading the app, swiping and getting a few matches it was time to have some conversations. 

Let's play...

Most of the guys who messaged me were well behaved, however, there were one or two that reminded me of Tinder’s infamous reputation. The one guy asked me – after asking my whereabouts at 22:30 – if I wanted to meet up so that I could play with him. Wow! An entire wow! But you know what let me give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe his Konglish (Korean English) got the better of him and he meant something else.

Wowza!

The nice guy

After going on a coffee date with a nice Korean gentleman, who could hold down a basic English conversation, my faith in Tinder was restored. Although I deleted the app and didn’t go on a second date, it felt good to be out on the dating scene again. 

Language is a huge barrier when it comes to dating in Korea. In as much as we can have a basic conversation, it is difficult to have meaningful conversations as most people's English speaking ability is limited. 

The married man

After another month or so of loneliness and boredom, I decided to give Tinder another go. I mean they say third time lucky right, so maybe I’d get lucky. I downloaded it again and on the first day I was there I met someone. He was tall, dark and handsome and he was from Botswana. What were the odds that I would meet a whole Motswana here in the land of Asians? We chatted on the app and eventually moved our chats to the local text messaging app called KakaoTalk. He seemed great and was saying all the right things, basically selling me dreams. And I bought them shem, I won't even lie! We planned to meet up soon and I was ready to meet him halfway as he lived in another town about an hour away. I was in high spirits and I felt really excited. 

I don’t know about you but I normally like to do a quick background check on any potentials I meet. I mean some may say I’m a stalker hahaha, but I feel like it is necessary. Anyway, in the midst of my excitement, I had forgotten to do my due diligence and remembered that I hadn’t done so. One evening, I decided to go onto his Facebook page just to see what type of person he was. Lo and behold, when I landed on the page I got the shock of my life. His cover page was a picture of his wife. And as I scrolled further I saw a family photo of him, his wife and kid. Bear in mind that I had particularly asked him whether he had a family and he boldly said “I am a single black man” and he had said he did not have children. 

Oh my gosh, wow!

Needless to say, I confronted him and that was the end of that and I was back to deleting Tinder once more. I was over it, Tinder and men, well at least for a short while.

The casanova wannabe

This past weekend I went away on a group tour to Geoje Island. I will be writing a post about that in the coming weeks. On that trip, I met a young Casanova from Midrand. Heh, guys, some of these guys outchea!  So we were vibing, or so I thought only to find that moguy was trying to act fresh, hitting on me and my friend simultaneously. Qabanga! While he was busy rubbing my leg on one side, he was rubbing her leg on the other side. The nerve! Mxm! He seemed like a great guy but his behaviour was trash. 

You can take the guy out of Midrand but you can't take Midrand out of him!

Lonely days

Anyway, I remain single and willing to mingle, yaaas! I am not as worried about dating as I was when I first arrived here, to be honest. I would be lying of course if I said I don’t get lonely and wish for a significant other. Those days come and they are difficult to get through but I always seem to make it through. I have heard stories of people who have met their significant others while in Korea and that is great. I love ‘love’ so those kinds of stories get me really excited and give me hope that whether it is here in Korea or elsewhere, I will one day find someone special. 

Dating is so much stress, yazi!

Navigating the dating scene is a lot!  Both here and back at home. And I think we can all share interesting stories of how we got played or fooled. Most of us have a Tinder story that either turned out great or not so great at all. One thing I can say though is that Tinder has brought that extra spice into our lives!

Please share your Tinder stories below in the comment section, I would love to hear them.