What's next?

This past week was tough. At first, I caught a cold and while I was recovering from that I experienced the most painful period pains I have ever had. They are usually really painful but can be controlled by drinking lots of pain medication, however, this month it was different. The pain was excruciating and OTC medicines didn’t help. I eventually went to see a doctor and got an injection and a cocktail of meds. 

Anyway, I am fine now and I am grateful to be back in good health. Being sick and forced to stay in bed gives one time to really just sit and think. I thought about a lot of things but one particular question stood out and that is ‘What’s next?’ What is my plan for next year? What will I go back and do in SA? 

Now I didn’t only start thinking about it this past week, it has been a recurring thought in my mind since I can remember, to be honest. At the beginning of this journey, I was very clear, I am taking this year “off” to try and figure myself out. To try to find out what it is that I want to do with my life. I was stuck in a career I disliked and I needed this break to figure out my next career move. So this week I thought about how far or close I am to finding out the answer to the question “What’s next?” and to be honest I still have no answers.

Yes, I have grown in leaps and bounds and yes, I have a better understanding and greater love for myself but still, I have no concrete idea of what my next move is. And this scares me. A LOT! It scares me to think that I will go back home and not know what to type into the job search box because I don’t know what kind of job I want to do or enjoy. The thought of working in corporate makes me feel sick and the thought of unemployment makes me sweat bullets.

Okay then, why don’t you just stay here in Korea? Well, uhm…NO! My heart can only take this for a year, guys! In as much as it’s been a great experience, I just can't go on being so far away from my loved ones. For some people it’s possible, they love being far away from family and they are thriving abroad and that is great. But we are not all the same. This experience has taught me many things and the most important thing it has taught me is that I value family, relationships and connectedness. So staying another year is not an option I’m considering at the moment. 

And before you suggest that I go teach somewhere else, I don’t enjoy teaching. Well, I lie, I don’t like FORMAL teaching. Like the way, it’s done in schools. 

Anyway, as you can tell I am confused. All I know is that I am coming home and that at least makes me happy. This whole topic worries me but I guess I have a couple of months before I come back and hopefully by then I will be singing a different tune. One thing I do have though is faith. I am a Christian so I believe that God has a plan for all of His children, so when I get myself into a frenzy I like to remind myself of that.

Anyway, if you are like me and are feeling overwhelmed and worried about what the future has in store for you or you feel like you have no purpose and direction, I would like to tell you that I get you. I understand. And I pray that you will not give up looking for the answers.

XOXO